


Joey the Smooth

by Slamstorm



Category: Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Cultural Differences, Dorks, Fluff, Gen, I Don't Understand Quadrants, Pale Undertones?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18609094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slamstorm/pseuds/Slamstorm
Summary: Xefros wonders why Joey is so smooth, and that's not what you think it means.





	Joey the Smooth

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually going to be part of a darker story. Along the way it turned into whatever this is.
> 
> I wrote this because I've exhausted the fics featuring these two, so I figured I'd have a shot at writing my own one. It's been a while since I've actually written anything so it might not be great. 
> 
> I might have a shot at that darker story at a later date, for now though I hope you enjoy this cute nonsense.

Alternia was a brutal planet, in the back of his mind Xefros had always been aware of this. As a burgundy blood, he could’ve been culled at any point in his life and nobody would bat an eye. He would simply be another addition to an endless sea of deceased gutterbloods.

Self deprecation aside, Xefros knew that might not be true, Tetrarch Dammek would’ve done something in retaliation.

Maybe. 

Xefros wouldn’t want the rebellion to be jeopardised just because he’d been an idiot and gotten himself culled. He wasn’t particularly important to the rebellion, really the only significant thing about him was his relationship with Dammek. 

Honestly, the idea that he might be missed at all was enough for him. Thinking about it that way, he was actually very lucky. He’d been especially lucky as of late, actually!  
I mean sure, his moirail had been launched onto another planet who knows how many galaxies away, his hive destroyed by a missile, he himself been buried and nearly crushed to death by the rubble from his own abode… but he’d made a friend! 

But Joey wasn’t just any friend, oh no. Joey was in fact, a genuine alien. How many trolls could say they had an alien for a friend? Probably not many considering their species was raging intergalactic war indiscriminately, the novelty wasn’t lost on him.

Not that he considered their friendship a novelty, that would be extremely rude!

After all, Joey had gone out of her way to make her way through Dammek’s convoluted security system just to dig him out of his Hive’s rubble. Being a good friend was the least he could do!

Man, Joey was so cool.

Xefros frowned to himself as he nursed his injuries from the missile incident. Ever since Xefros’ neighbourhood had been invaded by drones they’d been on the run.  
Joey was busy fussing over Dammek’s lusus, whom she’d taken to calling CORNIBUSTER. That wasn’t his name, but Xefros didn’t feel the need to press the issue.  
Joey had suggested they’d take a break earlier, since in her own words, ‘He’s carried all three of us all this way, so he deserves a rest!’ Xefros figured that was fair, Joey was very considerate!

Xefros winced as he pulled a small chunk of rubble out of his arm. It was a good thing she’d ended up in Dammek’s hive, as opposed to basically anywhere else on Alternia. Because Joey the alien was… he didn’t want to say she was weak. Because that wasn’t true!  
She was just so…

Xefros furrowed his eyebrows as he tried to find the correct word. Frail? Definitely not. Gentle? Yeah, but not exactly…  
She was… smooth! Yes, that was it. Her teeth were straight and even, and her claws, if they could even be called claws, were crescent shaped. As for horns? She didn’t have any. Basically? Her head was smooth.

It wasn’t just her body though. To Xefros, Joey seemed relentlessly compassionate that sometimes it almost seemed borderline pale. She was even training to become a veterinarian, which was to Xefros’ understanding a person whom was employed for the sole purpose of healing Lusii of all things.

Which was fine, really. Sure the idea of being employed as a healer was laughable in the eyes of Troll society, but wasn’t that what they were rebelling against in the first place? Healing seemed like a pretty cool job when he thought about it, it was like an antithesis to the viciousness the Heiress promoted.

Man, Joey was so cool. 

Still the subject of Joey’s smoothness kind of perplexed him, so he worked up the courage to ask her about it.  
“Hey, um, Joey?” The alien in question turned towards him with a trusting smile, Xefros felt his heartbeat increase ever so slightly.  
“Yeah?” She replied as she dusted some leaves off of Cornibuster.

“Well, I was wondering…” Xefros scratched at the back of his head. “Are all- um, sorry. What’s the name of your species again?”

“Human.”  
“Right, sorry! I forgot.” Xefros let a out a nervous chuckle

Joey let out a faint sigh as she removed her hands from Cornibuster. “Xefros, it’s fine. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t actually told you yet, you don’t need to apologise.”

“Oh, um sor- I mean... okay.”

Joey laughed, Xefros could’ve sworn he felt his stomach flip.

“So, what did you want to ask me about? Don’t worry, I am fully prepared for whatever bizarre cultural questions you might have about me! Lay it on me, Xefros!” Joey made a show of waving her hands around.  
“Oh… well that’s… good?” Xefros found himself somewhat caught of guard by Joey’s enthusiasm, suddenly his question didn’t seem very well thought out. He swallowed.

“Well, I was just wondering, are all ‘humans’ as smooth as you are?” There, he’d said it.

Joey’s response was not what he’d been expecting, her arms dropped to her sides. “Huh?”

Oh no.  
Xefros had made a mistake, hadn’t he? Was it a sensitive subject? Or was it just impolite to ask? Oh god, had he ruined their friendship already? Arrrgh! Of course he’d screw it up, he was so stu-  
Oh, Joey was talking again.

“Uhh, okay I know I said I was prepared for anything, but I wasn’t expecting THAT.”  
Joey rubbed her arm and looked away, she suddenly seemed very shy. 

“I honestly don’t really know what you mean? I’ve never thought of myself as a smooth talker. I guess you haven’t noticed, but I’m actually kind of awkward?” She began to make little circles in the dirt with her foot. 

Oh.

“Oh! Um, that’s not what I meant. I meant your body! It’s smooth I mean, b-because you have no horns o-or claws…” Xefros felt himself start to sweat. “I didn’t mean that you’re a smooth talker, n-not that you c-couldn’t be?” Oh geez, just let him shut up already!

“So yeah, I meant physically. And I was just wondering about… that.” Ugh.

Joey raised her head in surprise. “Oh! Ohhhhhhh.” She let out a nervous giggle, seemingly relieved. “That’s what you meant! Yeah, we’re all hornless and clawless. Ha ha…”  
Joey leaned down, and gave him an impish grin.

“Yeah, I guess compared to you trolls I am pretty smooth, huh? But actually, all my sharpness went into my awesome puzzle solving brain!” She gave him a wink.

“Oh, I see!”

Wow, humans could put their sharpness in other aspects of themselves? That was interesting. Xefros nodded thoughtfully to himself, Joey coughed.

Wait.

Xefros smacked his palm over his forehead. “Ohh, that was joke wasn’t it? I’m so stupid!”

“Ha ha, you dork! Don’t call yourself stupid by the way.” They shared a laugh, Xefros still thought Joey was sharp though. At least in that aspect.

“Oh and yeah, that was my attempt at being smooth.”

Man, Joey was so...


End file.
